Last night Ant
The things that wrap around my thoughts.
I am a night owl. I can be a day person, no problem. But if you leave me alone for a while, my natural clock keeps me awake until 2-3am and wakes me up when I need to wake up. All I need to remember is to point out the time I think I would like to wake up. The spirits, in their mysterious way, will make sure it happens.
There is magic at nighttime. Maybe it is escapism, but I think you can see the light better in darkness.
Few days ago, I wanted to give an example of a galaxy, any galaxy, in this universe in a heavy duty essay I am writing, and I realized that I don’t know names of galaxies. So, I browsed galaxies on google, and I stumbled on a map of the universe. It was so fascinating that I spent a while checking stars and galaxies on an interactive map of the universe. Good times.
There were cool names that got stuck in my mind like the Black Eye, whale, and Hercules galaxies, and Eagle, Swan, and Ant Nebulas. Eagle I know, but Ant? It looked like an Ant. There was also the Bug nebula that looked like a bug.
They say that the nebulas are either dying stars or forming stars- I learned that there is something in everything ‘they’ say, and that something can be just one percent of the picture. Who can say what a Nebula is if ‘they’ are still playing in the solar system?
So, last night, after I cleaned my house because I had a dinner party here, continue writing my heavy essay, and finally got to my nighty night book, my mind started wondering.
I thought about the Ant star- the star before the nebula explosions. Ant galaxy…. What is it like? What are they like? If they really exploded into dust, why did it happen? Is time going to do the same to us? If yes, why are there other galaxies that looks contained? I used to watch and follow ants when I was a kid; they are always so busy and telepathic in a way, don’t you think?
Suddenly, I saw them in my minds eye. It was my energy body leveling up and going out to that galaxy. So, hang on- it is very difficult to describe because I don’t live on the casual world.
My third eye is open for the longest time, it just is. It took me years to learn how to close it at will- yes, close it. I have to stop here and say something to the fluoride calcification of the pineal gland fearful people: don’t believe everything they throw at you (remember the one percent)- when it is time for you to see with the inner eye, that calcium will crack like an egg and the chick will be free. Just a chick.
In the past two years, I am actually learning how to travel with my energy body and do it well. I am still scared in some cases.
There are many portals. There are portals that I wished I never went in because what I saw haunted me and hunted me:) so I learned to observe the portal before I reach the other side of it. And the portal itself is aware of my wishes and lets me do it. It gives me time to learn it- understanding the human fear in me; the fear of not wanting to look and face things I am not ready for.
What I am describing is similar to watching a movie with closed eyes. I participate in this movie, yet I cannot see myself because I am the camera man that can ask question.
And it goes like this:
I am thinking about ants…
My eyes are closed, things start moving in my head space. A picture appears. It is an ant in the size of few inches working on something. I am curious because I have never seen an ant so up close. The ant stops what it’s doing and looking at me. As it catches my attention, we pull closer to each other, and I can see that I am not on earth anymore.
I pulled back slowly, not to lose the portal, I am experienced. As I retreated, I could see a huge ant vibration hovering in my room. The ant was my size. I am not afraid because I saw spiders that size many times and I understand what they are doing. There was one time I saw scorpions; for sure, by instinct I was terrified by them for a good reason. But an ant? That’s a first.
As I slowly pulled myself back, I saw the portal that I drew towards myself to take me see the ant’s world. That portal was the eye of a dragon. Every time I see the dragons, I am shitting my pants.
After every episode with the dragons, I promise myself that I will be brave next time, stick around, explore, learn. And every time it happens, I run for my life as if I don’t deserve to be around so much power. Yeah, yeah, I saw the movie “how to train your dragon” this is not it… The ones I see are in the size of the horizons- you don’t see the end of it. Well, some of them are not so large, but large enough to keep me running without them saying one word to me, just a glance.
This time I stood still, and they offered me a lift.
I said yes, but first let me close my eyes, and open them in a dream because I cannot handle so much universe at once in full awareness.
I remembered my dream in the morning. I was inside dark but luminous tunnels, learning. I am still processing because nothing is dictated, and wisdom sounds stupid in our language.
Ever wondered why the ants can lift objects many times their size? Ever wondered why they are hive-minded?
Now, did I call the ants by thinking about them? You bet I did. Was it coincidence that I found that Ant nebula? I don’t know, but as someone that knows better- there are no coincidences, just pulls and pushes.
Now, I know how it sounds. I promised myself that this is going to get published. From one hand, it is super difficult for me to describes it because the nature of our true being is not something that is well known. I feel exposed because I learned to hide my nature.
We are all dreaming in one capacity or another, in this world or another.
Traveling. Call it the natural existence of the human Starman.
I have many stories for you. I learned a lot over the years. I think with that first one, I am permanently done hiding my quazadoo world.
I’m in awe of your experience. Recently, ants have become relevant to my mine as well. Yesterday, a group of them found their way onto my kitchen counter--many years of having them as pesky housemates have given me an opportunity to see them as my equal rather than inferior scavengers.
I decided to blur my vision while staring at them, a technique I’ve learned to actually “see” in this reality. They became a larger organism in front of me.
I was floored when my vision showed me the flowing veins of their synchronized movements. They became a kind of organ of the hive, a fully functional system of the larger whole.
They spoke to me and told me that they aren’t here to be a nuisance to my experience, and they taught me that causing a vibration, in this case banging the surrounding area of the kitchen counter, would give them a warning that they’d surely heed.
They just want to survive, not invade my experience. So now I give them a warning, wait, give them another, and they march right back where they came from. When they all retreat, I plug up the hole and wait for the next. No death necessary. Just an equal relationship of respect.
I resonate with these portals you speak of, but in my experience I’ve only gone so far as inanimate exploration: trees, plants, soil, rocks. My inner eye pulls me to their realms which is filled with wisdom and connection. They always have specific places to bring me based on my contemplative need.
I’m inspired to explore the realms of insect and animal, and am over the moon thinking about dragons--having personal pivotal experiences with their energies gives me faith that I’ll find the bravery to call them my friends.
Thank you for your words.