When I think to myself, ‘what’s there to say?’ Is when I know there is something to say, and I already said it in the past and gave up. I gave up saying things because of many reasons. I think the main reason is that I realized that there are worlds between us.
A small example of the worlds between us is the way I see the army. Yes, yes, the soft spot of any proud country. The heroes of the ranked club with customs that traditionally engraved in societies from the beginning of time to protect the tribe and its existence, and from that sweet gesture turned, overtime, to be the execution hand of the next top mad man. Here.
It is something I ditched saying 25 years ago because I realized that the universe that stands between me and society is huge. I was born in Israel, and I had to join the army immediately after high school, I couldn’t fathom my misfortune and I was looking for ways to get out of the service. You could say I was a rebel, but if a young woman looking for her soul life on earth is considered to be a rebel than words are misused and concepts twisted a long time ago, and the “culture war” of today’s society is just a rise of the stench that hid beneath the surface of its own subconscious.
Back then, 1987, not being in the army was considered to be a blemish on your resume- it was a big deal. So, still in high school, I joined something similar to the scouts in the US, and with that scout I could arrive to a unique unit in the army that at least a whole year of the service is dedicated to the kibbutz communities; to me it meant less army. I couldn’t care less about the communities- they didn’t need my help, I cared about avoiding the service, and get those uniforms off me.
Few years later, when I had my brutal awakening, I understood my innate resistance to the “service”, and I started voicing my thoughts. And it goes like this: if we will stop having an army there would be no wars. If you want peace- you don’t lift a weapon, you don’t contribute to that energy in any form. You walk away, and if everyone will walk away… well. It is a matter of energy, it is a matter of faith and knowing, it is a matter of will, it is how things work in the universe.
They: You live in a dream. You are a pacifist. You don’t know what you are talking about. They will kill us all.
Me? Mute. What’s there to say?
One of the realizations that any Beamer goes through is that you can’t convince people in the third dimension to see things beyond the seventh dimension, they simply cannot, and worse, there are no words to describe or to give it the authenticity of truth. And to add to it, although it is off subject, many people in the fifth dimension can’t see beyond it, as well. It makes things dicey. Ego knows how to talk and justify reasons according to the twenty feet universe it lives in.
Without a choice, because I am still here, I started supporting the side of my country. You might say, hey, you did have a choice, and I say speak for yourself and don’t pretend to know the currents of other’s life. From my perspective, I felt I have to drop down and see things from the same perspective of everyone else to understand the need to protect. Protect life that is eternal and not yours to give or take. It’s funny, because there was a time in my life that I tried to reach a weapon to kill someone who attacked me, and I couldn’t reach it.
As the years went by, a rip in society had deepened. What’s the difference between Israel and America? The food is better in Israel. Instead of having the realization of a third way, the unified way (I used to expect too much from supposedly leaders of countries, and leaders in general), the left and the right became very polarized. I haven’t changed, but I leaned to the right because of the violence and exaggerations of the left, and the simple realization that the world is not ready to snap out of justifications.
Understanding the other side of you (left and right opinions) is just as important, if not more important than your own opinions.
I don’t care what others are doing in their lives as long as they don’t destroy other’s life, go ahead and enlist and feel the honor that society pins on you, thank you for your service, live your dream because you are dreaming if you think you are awake.
I went to visit my family in Israel; I just came back few days ago. A day after I arrived back to USA, Israel was bombed, again. I was talking with a neighbor that heard about the bombing and he thought I was still there when it happened. I said that I was already back, and everyone is fine. And he said, “they are used to it over there”. He didn’t mean much by it, but I felt my heart skipping over that sentence.
A young friend came to speak with me in Israel and said,
- Eden, I felt I am in a matrix today.
I smiled. I was waiting for this for a long time, I know this crystal boy since he was born. So, I said, tell me about it. And he described sitting in the classroom being bombarded by the teacher about the importance of bullshit (to his words) and suddenly he could see a larger picture of how everyone around him is running after something. How everyone is in a rat race.
- And I don’t want to be in that rat race, but I am. I have some goals, and I am disciplined, and I am worried that I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.
- You don’t have to know in advance. Actually, the ones that know only think they know, and it is what gets them stuck in the narrow world- the matrix.
He continued to tell me about the divide between the ones who are drinking smoking and skipping school, and the ones that are motivated by goals, and he said-
- I can’t find myself in one group or the other, they all look like blind horses running.
- Are you running?
- For what?
- I want to be in elite unit in the army, I push myself.
- It’s alright to have something that you want, just don’t get caught up in the hive mind of that army of yours. Use it, learn from it, but first you have to get in and if you get it- good, if not, move to the next best thing, don’t break a sweat about it.
- A friend of mine was broken because he didn’t get the elite unit he wanted; it was sad for all of us who rooted for him.
- The ego was broken, not him, maybe life wanted something different for him, what do you think?
- I think you are right, now that I know what he received as a second choice. I guess I’ll give my 100 percent and the rest is not up to me.
I felt my heart skip a bit, this new generation of stars are going to shine brighter than some old suns.
- You will get what you want sweetheart, go for your passion and don’t be afraid to dive into the matrix as long as you know the game.
- Don’t get caught up in it? He asked.
- You got it.
Many times, when there is something to say it falls on deft ears, and you learn not to say anything. And slowly but methodically you keep quiet and that quiet turns to ‘what’s there to say’ question in your mind.
Well, there a lot to say.
Enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
I learned long ago that I do not have the power to change anyone. It was such a relief. Much of my story was written.. this person needs to be better here, realize x, respect/love me. I indulged in the fantasy that I knew how others should be.
You describe the multi-tiered nature of experience/reality, as a seeker of knowledge. We move up and down frequencies. Down, to relate to the world of things and events. Up to connect to wordless truth and knowing. It’s jarring in my process nowadays when I spend time in solitude, full of grace and higher vibration, then I meet with people again, dropping back into the culture of narrow-sighted worldviews.
I agree with your assessment of the next generation. They’re full of unbelievable insight, and to them it’s just passing thoughts. Based on my experience speaking with young people, they aren’t as heavily indoctrinated by the bullshit “paint-by-numbers” ways of living. They seem like upgraded receivers of divine wisdom. The more I understand myself, the more I know that I’m here to support these little buddhas :)